Singles‘ Guide to Surviving A Friend’s Engagement

With Valentine’s Day and engagement season safely behind us all, some congratulations are in order – to all the singles in Miami.

Nope, I’m not kidding around.  It’s hard to remain optimistic about your love life when your social media newsfeeds have been crowded by changed relationship statuses and pictures of perfectly manicured left hands with bling for the last three months.  It’s even harder not to succumb to feelings of jealousy, self-pity, failure, and depression when a close friend is a recipient of the ubiquitous bauble.

Here are some tips for single girls (and guys)  to surviving a close friend’s (or friends’) engagement.

Singles Survival Tip #1:  Focus on you.

Take a break in order to regroup.  Check-in with yourself and get really honest about how you’re feeling.  Journaling can help, or just looking in the mirror and speaking out those feelings can be really liberating.  But don’t stop there.  Dig a little deeper.  Ask yourself:

  • Why do I see being single or not engaged as a bad thing?  Where did I learn this?
  • What are some reasons I might single or not engaged yet?
  • What am I meant to learn about myself from this circumstance?

Self-help dating books and the like will have you believe that you can earn your way to an amazing relationship if you just focus on personal growth and development.  But that’s a half-truth.  The amazing relationship you earn is “the one” with yourself.

Singles Survival Tip #4:  Realize that love has been commercialized.

In reality, there’s no ticking clock counting down to the hours before your desirability expires or date by which your relationship should get to the ‘next level’.  Love (and engagements) happen year-round despite what advertising and marketing execs for jewelry stores would have you believe.  Their sole purpose is to generate money by presenting you with their solution after they’ve triggered FOMO, anxiety of being ‘too late’, or like you have a problem (that doesn’t really exist).

Singles Survival Tip #5:  Take stock of what you do have.

Cultivating a sense of gratitude can help you snap out of mindset of scarcity.  Make a list of three people or things that you’re grateful for or that brought you joy each day.  Romantic love isn’t the only kind of love, so don’t forget to celebrate the love of family, friends, pets, or even a kind stranger’s kind gesture.

These suggestions can help you shed the insecurities that creep up while you’re single (or unengaged) and friends are celebrating engagements and planning wedding festivities.

If you’ve tried them for awhile, but you’re still feeling crappy about yourself and dreading the forthcoming engagement parties and bridal showers, then you may need some additional support.  Feel free to contact me at (305) 501-0133 or click here to schedule a free 20-minute Clarity Consult  that can help you shift your perspective about being single in Miami.

Singles Survival Tip #2:  Go do the things that “fill your cup”.

Enjoy activities that make you feel recharged and fulfilled.  It doesn’t matter what it is – reading a good book on Friday night,  yoga a at sunrise on the beach, a day trip to the Keys, or an afternoon volunteering at a local non-profit.  Go do you.

Think of it as dating yourself.  You’re likely to have some interesting experiences and meet like-minded people along the way, which makes you altogether more interesting as a person.  It shifts your focus to enjoying your life as it is, and expands your social network.

Some nice little by-products – new single friends to hang with and the greater likelihood of meeting quality dates through them.  Sure beats trying to meet guys in the crowded bar and club scene.

Singles Survival Tip #3:  Reach out to supportive people in your life.

Surround yourself with the people that are encouraging of you and where you’re at in your life.  These are the people you feel energized being around.  They don’t make you feel like there’s something wrong you for being single or not engaged.  They gave you good advice and don’t shy away from telling you the hard truths about yourself when you need to hear it.

That said, be prepared to address impertinent questions, like “Why are you still single?” or “So when are you getting married?”  Come up with a confident response that stops them in their tracks. My favorite: “I want a relationship that lasts a lifetime, not just a wedding that lasts a day, so I’m willing to wait.”

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