EnvisionWellness.co (1)Dating in Miami is tough, but it doesn’t have to be.

Why Is It So Hard to Find a Boyfriend Here?

A recent article about dating in Miami made some interesting points which got me thinking about the dating rut in Miami that single young professionals find themselves in, and more importantly, how to get them out of it.

According to Jon Birger’s Date-onomics, there’s an educated male deficit in Miami with 86% more educated women than men.  To put that in perspective, that’s 6 women for each man.  

Why the huge gender gap?  Here’s my theory:  the Hispanic culture that permeates this city encourages young men to move away seeking education, work, and prosperity, but not the women.  Hispanic women are reminded that ‘decent’ girls don’t leave their parents home without a wedding ring and a husband.  They’re told to stay close to their families for help once kids arrive, and later remain to become caregivers for their elderly parents.  Hence the large concentration of young, well-educated single women in Miami.  

With so many choices of potential partners, single professional men don’t commit as easily to one person.  “She’s too _(fill in the blank)_,” or  “There wasn’t enough click,” are variations of FOMO that I often hear from men. And then they do the “fade away” or completely ghost. Because let’s be honest – it’s uncomfortable to have a conversation where someone’s feelings are likely going to get hurt.  So what does this mean for the ladies?

Well, they fall into three camps – jaded, desperate, or resigned.  Here’s what I mean:

Many young professional women become hardened after being stood up, screwed over, ghosted on, etc.  They continue dating, but they’re skeptical and unpleasant. While an effective form of self-protection, it also keeps these ladies from the true connection that they seek.

Dating in Miami Can Be Frustrating

Different people approach dating in Miami in different ways:  Maybe you accept every date you get asked out on.  Maybe you panic and decline a date only to regret it later on.  Or, maybe you  hedge your bets by hitting the hottest places to be seen around Brickell and Wynwood or joining all the latest dating sites and apps in pursuit of meeting “the one”.  

Because you can’t win at the game of love if you don’t have the option to swipe right, right?

Whether you’re recovering from a recent breakup that’s left you newly single for the first time in years or you’ve stopped counting how many years running you’ve been alone, the pain and loneliness, angst even, that single young professional men and women face are very real.  It’s easy to start feeling sad, irritable, and lonely.  

I get it.  There are some serious dating issues in this town.  

With few exceptions, the young professionals I work with bemoan the difficulty of meeting someone que valga la pena in Miami.  They tell me the dating horror stories, and neither gender seems to be exempt from bad behavior.  (There’s a reason why lists like this and this, oh, and this one exist.)  

Young professional women tend to be high-achievers.  For them, being rejected equals failure, and they don’t do failure.

So they start to fix that something that must be wrong with them – that they’re not good enough, unlovable, or broken on the inside…you get the picture.   They need get a relationship right.  So they start using ‘desperate’ methods to attract and keep a partner.

Eventually, the women in either of the previous groups wind up resigned to the idea of being single.  They throw themselves into their work.  Some of them even move away.

But dating in Miami doesn’t have to be that way.  Some quick shifts can dramatically shake you out of the dating rut.

Here are 3 changes you can make to help you get a boyfriend:

  1. Resolve to act and treat those you date with integrity.

    This town can be pretty shady, so don’t add to it by ghosting or fading away.  If you’re not interested in seeing someone again, then be honest and tell her/him.  Treat them the way you’d hope to be treated if you were in their position.  S/he may not like it, but they’ll appreciate the honesty in the long run.  Plus, it makes for good dating karma.

  2. Know your why.

    What’s your end goal for dating? It doesn’t matter whether you’re looking for a hookup, casual dating to keep a full social calendar, or hoping for a serious commitment.  Just get clear about it, both with yourself and your dates.  If you realize there’s a mismatch between your and their wants, then bow out and briefly explain why.

  3. Know your who.

    Once you know why you’re dating, you can figure out who to date.  Create an ideal date avatar for yourself.  Identify this person’s physical features, nationality, family relationships, and favorite music, hangouts, stores, parts of town, pass times, hobbies.  That way you’ll recognize them when you meet them.

Dating would dramatically improve for the young single professional set if more of people followed this simple approach.

Want a boyfriend or a girlfriend?  Consider getting some support if dating in Miami still feels like emotional quicksand.  Call (305) 501-0133 or click here to schedule a free 20-minute Clarity Consult to learn how I can help you shift your perspective and regain your enthusiasm for meeting that special someone.

erika martinez media expert psychologist miami

Erika Martinez, Psy.D.is the founder, owner, and a licensed psychologist at Envision Wellness in Miami, FL.  She specializes in working with ambitious young professionals and entrepreneurs to overcome anxiety/stress, burnout, limiting beliefs, people-pleasing, low self esteem, heartbreak, and toxic relationships/codependency.  Dr. Martinez has a passion for helping others achieve happy, fulfilling, and change-making lives that make the world a better place.  Click here to schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation.  Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.


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