Dating in Miami Can Be Frustrating.
Let’s get this straight. Dating in Miami can be frustrating, but it’s frustrating everywhere. You are not alone in your frustration. That being said, you’re likely to find dating approaches in Miami as varied as the people in this melting pot: Some accept every date they get asked out on. Others panic and decline a date only to regret it later on. And still, others hedge their bets by hitting the hottest places to be seen around Brickell and Wynwood or joining all the latest dating sites and apps in pursuit of meeting “the one”.
Because you can’t win at the game of love if you don’t have the option to swipe right, right?
Whether you’re recovering from a recent breakup that’s left you newly single for the first time in years or you’ve stopped counting how many years running you’ve been alone, the pain and loneliness, angst even, that single young professional men and women face are very real. It’s easy to start feeling sad, irritable, and lonely.
I get it. There are some serious dating issues in this town.
I’ve heard and experienced the dating horror stories, and neither gender seems to be exempt from bad behavior. (There’s a reason why lists like this and this, oh, and this one exist.) It’s hard to tell if someone is looking for something serious vs. a one-night stand. It isn’t easy putting yourself out there either.
Why Is It So Hard to Find a Boyfriend (or Girlfriend) in Miami?
A recent article about dating in Miami made some interesting points which got me thinking about the dating rut in Miami that single young professionals find themselves in, and more importantly, how to get them out of it. According to Jon Birger’s Date-onomics, there’s an educated male deficit in Miami with 86% more educated women than men. To put that in perspective, that’s 7 women for each man (updated January 2018).
Why the huge gender gap?
Here’s my theory: the Hispanic culture that permeates this city encourages young men to move away seeking education, work, and prosperity, but not the women. Hispanic women are reminded that ‘decent’ girls don’t leave their parents home without a wedding ring and a husband. They’re told to stay close to their families for help once kids arrive, and later remain to become caregivers for their elderly parents. Hence the large concentration of young, well-educated single women in Miami.
With so many choices of potential partners, single professional men don’t commit as easily to one person. “She’s too _(fill in the blank)_,” or “There wasn’t enough click,” are variations of FOMO that I often hear from men. And then they do the “fade away” or completely ghost. Because let’s be honest – it’s uncomfortable to have a conversation where someone’s feelings are likely going to get hurt. So what does this mean for the ladies?
Well, they fall into three camps – jaded, desperate, or resigned.
Here’s what I mean: Many young professional women become hardened after being stood up, screwed over, ghosted on, etc. They continue dating, but they’re skeptical and unpleasant. While an effective form of self-protection, it also keeps these ladies from the true connection that they seek.
Young professional women tend to be high-achievers. For them, being rejected equals failure, and they don’t do failure.
So they start to fix that something that must be wrong with them – that they’re not good enough, unlovable, or broken on the inside…you get the picture. They need get a relationship right. So they start using ‘desperate’ methods to attract and keep a partner.
Eventually, the women in either of the previous groups wind up resigned to the idea of being single. They throw themselves into their work. Some of them even move away.
But dating in Miami doesn’t have to be that way. Some quick shifts can dramatically shake you out of the dating rut.
Here are 4 changes you can make to help you get a boyfriend:
1. Give your best foot forward.
You may feel reluctant at times to go on a date. But every date is practice until you find your person. You never know what you may learn about someone or yourself. Each date has the potential to bring you more clarity on what you want and who you are.
2. Resolve to act and treat those you date with integrity.
This town can be pretty shady, so don’t add to it by ghosting or fading away. If you’re not interested in seeing someone again, then be honest and tell her/him. Treat them the way you’d hope to be treated if you were in their position. S/he may not like it, but they’ll appreciate the honesty in the long run. Plus, it makes for good dating karma.
3. Know your why.
What’s your end goal for dating? It doesn’t matter whether you’re looking for a hookup, casual dating to keep a full social calendar, or hoping for a serious commitment. Just get clear about it, both with yourself and your dates. If you realize there’s a mismatch between your and their wants, then bow out and briefly explain why.
4. Know your who.
Once you know why you’re dating, you can figure out who to date. Create an ideal date avatar for yourself. Identify this person’s physical features, nationality, family relationships, and favorite music, hangouts, stores, parts of town, pass times, hobbies. That way you’ll recognize them when you meet them.
Dating in Miami would dramatically improve for the young single professional set if more of people followed this simple approach.
Want a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Consider getting some support if dating in Miami still feels like emotional quicksand. Call (305) 501-0133 or click here to schedule a free 20-minute Clarity Consult to learn how we can help you shift your perspective and regain your enthusiasm for meeting that special someone.
Envision Wellness is a private practice that offers psychotherapy, psychological testing, and life coaching in Miami, FL. Our team has a passion for helping others achieve happy, fulfilling, and change-making lives that make the world a better place. Each therapist has their areas of expertise. Not sure who you’d like to work with? Click here to schedule a free 20-minute phone consult to help you decide.
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