How to Survive being single when everyone around us is getting engaged
Some congratulations are in order and not just to those who are engaged, but to all the singles in Miami.
It’s hard to remain optimistic about your love life when your social media newsfeeds have been crowded by changed relationship statuses and pictures of perfectly manicured left hands with bling for the last three months. It’s even harder not to succumb to feelings of jealousy, self-pity, failure, and depression when a close friend is a recipient of the ubiquitous bauble. Questions arise as when will I ever get engaged? Will I ever get engaged? What’s wrong with me?
Here are some tips for single girls (and guys) to surviving a close friend’s (or friends’) engagement.
Singles Survival Tip #1: Focus on you.
Check-in with yourself and get really honest about how you’re feeling. Is engagement what you really want right now? Or is it that you feel the need to keep up with everyone around you. There may be pressure from your parents or friends for you to finally settle down. Maybe you just want to fit in.
Some things that can help ease your mind is to answer some of these questions:
- Why do I see being single or not engaged as a bad thing? Where did I learn this?
- What are some reasons I might single or not engaged yet?
- What am I meant to learn about myself from this circumstance?
If you feel anxious around this whole not getting engaged ordeal, journaling can help. Jot down those inner feelings that seem to be coming up for me. Just looking in the mirror and speaking out those feelings can be really liberating. But don’t stop there. Dig a little deeper.
I’m sure you may have read self-help dating books and countless articles on finding “the one”. While self-help may increase your self-esteem or self-awareness, it can only take you so far. Personal growth and development are great for all stages of life, not just when you feel in the dumps about not being engaged.
The amazing relationship you earn is “the one” with yourself. And with journaling, reading, and being honest with yourself, you can get there.
Singles Survival Tip #4: Realize that love has been commercialized.
Let’s put down that phone and connect back to reality. Those mushy gushy make-you-want to-vomit engagement pics are fake my friends. It’s a snippit of time choreographed and rehearsed. Couples who post more PDA are actually said to have worse relationships than those who don’t. Why put on a show if you have the real thing? People in secure relationships don’t feel the need to flaunt what they have. They are secure enough knowing the truth and don’t need the extra praise and comments.
Besides fake social media posts, in reality, there’s no ticking clock counting down to the hours before your desirability expires or date by which your relationship should get to the ‘next level’. Love (and engagements) happen year-round despite what advertising and marketing execs for jewelry stores would have you believe. Their sole purpose is to generate money by presenting you with their solution after they’ve triggered FOMO, anxiety of being ‘too late’, or like you have a problem (that doesn’t really exist).
Singles Survival Tip #5: Take stock of what you do have.
Cultivating a sense of gratitude can help you snap out of mindset of scarcity. Focusing on what you do have rather than what you don’t changes that perspectives and ultimately makes you feel better. Make a list of three people or things that you’re grateful for or that brought you joy each day. Romantic love isn’t the only kind of love, so don’t forget to celebrate the love of family, friends, pets, or even a kind stranger’s kind gesture. These suggestions can help you shed the insecurities that creep up while you’re single (or unengaged) and friends are celebrating engagements and planning wedding festivities.
So you aren’t engaged and you don’t have a ring. What is it that you do have? You have your freedom, your time, your beautiful mind. You have all the time for yourself. You can travel, go out at night, take naps, learn something new, and focus on you to say a few. Use this time to your advantage. And get ready cause sooner than later you will be engaged and you might wonder to yourself Why you ever felt badly about being single.
If you’ve tried them for awhile, but you’re still feeling crappy about yourself and dreading the forthcoming engagement parties and bridal showers, then you may need some additional support. Feel free to contact us at (305) 501-0133 or click here to schedule a free 20-minute Clarity Consult that can help you shift your perspective about being single in Miami.
Singles Survival Tip #2: Go do the things that “fill your cup”.
Enjoy activities that make you feel recharged and fulfilled. It doesn’t matter what it is – reading a good book on Friday night, yoga a at sunrise on the beach, a day trip to the Keys, or an afternoon volunteering at a local non-profit. Go do you.
Think of it as dating yourself. You’re likely to have some interesting experiences and meet like-minded people along the way, which makes you altogether more interesting as a person. It shifts your focus to enjoying your life as it is, and expands your social network.
Some nice little by-products – new single friends to hang with and the greater likelihood of meeting quality dates through them. Sure beats trying to meet guys in the crowded bar and club scene.
Singles Survival Tip #3: Reach out to supportive people in your life.
Surround yourself with the people that are encouraging of you and where you’re at in your life. These are the people you feel energized being around. They don’t make you feel like there’s something wrong with you for being single or not engaged.
They give you good advice and don’t shy away from telling you the hard truths about yourself when you need to hear it. They may even tell you the not so glamourous side of being engaged or married or how they miss their single life. You’d be surprised by how many people wish they hadn’t married so young or feel like they missed out on more personal time.
Surrounding yourself with newly engaged or newlyweds may not boost your spirits. Spending more time with people who are single and on a similar page than you may be more comforting. Less talk of weddings and babies, more about having fun and exploring life.
Envision Wellness is a private practice that offers psychotherapy, psychological testing, and life coaching in Miami, FL. Our team has a passion for helping others achieve happy, fulfilling, and change-making lives that make the world a better place. Each therapist has their areas of expertise. Not sure who you’d like to work with? Click here to schedule a free 20-minute phone consult to help you decide.
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