Do You Have Healthy Expectations for Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s Day comes with certain expectations if you’re dating in Miami.

Most couples feel a lot of societal and self-imposed pressure to make extravagant plans for the big day.   While one partner is thoughtfully planning a surprise for their honey, they’re also hoping for a romantic date the likes of which is usually reserved for contestants on The Bachelor.  On the flip side, their someone special is often clueless and avoiding making plans as the pressure mounts.  What’s the big deal, anyway?

It’s just a day like any other day of the year, right?

The answer is that it’s not a big deal, and that it is just one of 364 other days during which you can express love, devotion, and commitment to your significant other.  But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to avoid getting swept up in the hoopla or suppress the feelings that bubble up after the 11th bouquet delivered to the office isn’t for you.  

Valentine’s Day disappointment is common.

Mostly, it’s because two people aren’t on the same page about their expectations for how to honor the day.  When reality doesn’t match expectations, this mismatch can wind up being manifested in unhealthy and counterproductive ways such as sarcasm, picking a fight, withholding sex, or even the silent treatment.  Do your relationship a favor and ask each other these important questions before V-Day.

• What are your expectations for Valentine’s day?
• Are these expectations realistic/feasible for us?
• Are these expectations healthy for our relationship?

The answers you two give to these questions will vary widely depending on stuff like how long you’ve been together, what you can afford, the current state of your relationship, etc.  As a psychologist that specializes in helping young professional over-achievers in Miami get unstuck in matters of the heart, the underlying themes that come up, though, are usually limited to two.

Quick-Fix for a Relationship on the Rocks

It’s hard to admit to yourself (let alone your partner) when you’re unhappy with your relationship.  Instead, your high expectations for romance and connection on Valentine’s Day may be your attempts to rekindle these feelings that have fizzled out between you both.  Because if the sparks fly again, everything will be alright, right?  Well, no.  Not really.  Your relationship probably has some deeper issues going on that need to be addressed if things are to get better over the long haul.

In Love with Being Loved

Will flowers and chocolates put a frown on your face this February 14th because you expected a spa day?  

How will you feel if your someone special doesn’t make reservations at that cool restaurant in Brickell?  

Worse yet, what would it mean for your relationship if there isn’t a new sparkly accessory on your left hand by the end of the night?

If you feel the twinge of disappointment at any of the above, then you might be in love with being loved, but not necessarily the person doing the loving (or gift giving).  Get honest with yourself about the reasons you’re in this relationship.  Understand that it’s common for people with an addiction to love to be in relationships out of self-interest or the fringe benefits a relationship affords.  If this sounds like you, click here to learn more about love addiction.  

An Alternative to Valentine’s Day – The State of Your Union

The US Constitution requires that the President advise Congress once a year about how the nation is doing and make recommendations for the upcoming year in a speech called the State of the Union.  What if you did the same for your relationship every February 14th, holding your very own State of the Union? Whip a quick dinner or grab takeout and pop open a bottle of something yummy.  

Make it an occasion to discuss big things that concern your relationship.  

Will this be the year one of you will take that professional leap?  Are you feeling distant because one (or both) of you are working too late too often?  Are you ready to start trying for a baby?  It could be an opportunity to celebrate last year’s wins, air grievances, as well as discuss and make goals for the coming year.  Maybe it sounds like a board meeting, but what better way to say “I love you” to your sweetheart than making plans for your future together?  After all, these are the things that keep relationship happy and thriving, not fancy gifts or expensive dinner reservations.

Here’s hoping you and sweetheart are celebrating Valentine’s Day with healthy expectations.  If you’ve realized that’s not you, then we want you to know that we can help.  You can call us at (305) 501-0133 or click here to schedule a free 20-minute Clarity Consult to explore how we can help you manage your expectations around Valentine’s Day.