Being single in Miami sucks.

You’ve tried all the dating sites and apps with no change to your single status.  At this point, you’re likely to explode if you hear about someone else’s romantic plans for tonight.  All this talk has you feeling extra single and lonely this Valentine’s Day.  It’s understandable.

Dating in Miami is not easy.

Articles you’ve read in recent days suggest you treat yourself to a mani/pedi, massage, yoga class, etc.  Spending another V-Day at an Anti-Cupid party or singles mixer doesn’t appeal to you, either.  Doing any of those things reminds you that you’re doing them alone.

You’d rather be sharing those experiences with someone special.

All the conventional wisdom out there recommends doing things meant to get your mind off the fact that you’re single.  As a psychologist, I say that advice fosters avoidance, an ineffective coping skill.  Avoidance is a defense mechanism that I often see in my work with young successful professionals that are unsuccessful in dating and finding love in Miami.

Avoidance keeps you stuck in a shallow emotional rut.

Yes, you may feel better, but avoidance is a short-term fix.  You’ll have to keep chasing a new fix to feel better otherwise you’ll feel the hurt and discomfort again.  Eventually, you’ll be in a vicious cycle and nothing will ever feel like it can cover up the hurt enough.  To feel better, you need to heal the larger issues that keep you from the romantic relationship you hope to have.

Unconventional Advice for Singles on Valentine’s Day

Here’s my best advice for those that find themselves single on Valentine’s Day: Own your shit.  Sit with your feelings of sadness, loneliness, and dissatisfaction of being single instead of avoiding them.  Admittedly, it may not be the most pleasant way to spend your time.  But the more often you own up to your uncomfortable feelings, the more you’ll feel better.  

Being real and honest with yourself is better.

This Valentine’s Day, sit with the discomfort of feeling lonely, sad, pathetic, etc.  Explore whether these feelings come from a particular past relationship or several of them.  Actually feeling your emotions is an important part of understanding and processing them.  When you start doing this internal work, you can begin to unpack the tough and dark parts of yourself and the areas you struggle with.  You get very clear about who you are and what makes you tick.  Self-knowledge that will be integral in any relationship you hope to have in the future.

Do an autopsy on your past relationship.

Grab a journal or some paper and a pen.  Now, reflect on 1 or 2 of your past relationships, one at a time.  You may cry from sadness and/or anger.  It’s normal for intense feelings to come up while you do this.  Take a moment to acknowledge those feelings, and when the feeling subsides, continue.  There’s no right or wrong way to do this.  Here are some questions to get you started:

• What were the things about the relationship that you liked? Disliked?  
• What worked and what didn’t?  
• Did you change yourself in order to be in this relationship? If so, how?
• What parts of this relationship do you assume responsibility for?
• What was your role in what led to the end of this relationship?
• How have you grown as a result of the relationship?  

Kudos to you if you’ve started asking yourself these questions.  If you’re like most people, though, asking these questions and the emotions that the answers conjure up are hard and intense to feel.  We want you to know that you don’t have to do it alone.  Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need support and you’re in the Miami neighborhoods of Brickell, Coral Gables, South Miami, and Pinecrest.  We may be able to help you finally start healing the broken parts of you that keep you from the long-lasting love you desire and deserve.  Call (305) 501-0133 or click here to schedule a free 20-minute Clarity Consult.  Share this post with a friend, brother, sister, mother, or colleague that may need it.